Tuesday, 20 September 2016

makeitstop, a poem

click to enlarge

"On the outside, I'm very, very calm... But on the INSIDE..."
*punches God in the face until knuckles bleed*
"But you should see the other guy!"
The pain wipes your mind
"It's an Etcha-Sketch!"
Body like an Escher sketch.
"The funny thing is, I'm mostly not in pain."
The nerves continue to send the message but above a certain level of repetition, the brain no longer translates the pain signals.
"Have you tried standing on your head dangling crystals from your toes?"
"Well, if you're not prepared to even try..."
too weak to stand
"Have you tried exercise? I know it seems hard but it really helps."
eyes still, face still, body still, not stabbing anyone
"I can't imagine what it's like"
"What's wrong with you?" please just give me the wheelchair i need to sit
"What do you need?" "How can I help?" "I'll pop round"
missing months, unhappened wildflowers.
"Have you taken your painkillers?" "I don't know."
"So sorry for not replying sooner and I'm so sorry I missed your birthday / wedding / graduation"
the sofa. dreams of green. maybe with cushions I could sit outside.
"I know you're ill, but I've been in my new house five months, you're my best friend, and you haven't even bothered to visit! It's only a two-hour drive!"
lying on the sofa, seeping fever-sweat from showering and dressing, maybe in an hour I can stand
"I hope you feel better soon!"
drugged, I'm teaching my father how to dust
"Thank you so much"
was he here? did i teach my father how to dust?
"Hey, at least I'll be better after menopause!"
punching the fridge until my knuckles bleed and swell
"Hey, at least I'm not a dancer!"
burn and ache, burn and ache, makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop
"There may be some side effects"
fish and nausea and you might experience suicidal ideation, it's self-limiting
"So sorry not to have replied sooner"
"Sorry, really meant to reply"
"I'm sorry I couldn't"
"I'm so sorry, baby, I just"
it hurts makeitstop

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